LIGHT: YOU SEE, L?! THERE’S NO WAY I’M GAY. I’LL KISS MISA RIGHT NOW.
LIGHT: (DAMN IT, I WOULD NEVER TOUCH MISA MUCH LESS KISS HER. WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING?! HAVE I GOTTEN THIS SLOPPY?!)
L: (Is he going to do it? Is he going to kiss Misa? She follows him everywhere but they've never so much as hugged. Regardless, you’ve gotten sloppy, Light. You’re losing your composure. Now your probability of being Kira has gone up by fifteen percent)
MISA:Oh Light, don't be silly! We haven't even held hands!
LIGHT: (MISA YOU IDIOT. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!)
L: (They've never even held hands? They're supposed to be partners, to never even hold hands...does Light even hold any affection for Misa at all? Is he only tolerating her because he has something to gain? Only a sociopath would manipulate someone so heartlessly. Only a sociopath...like Kira)
LIGHT: (IS THERE A SINGLE WORKING BRAIN CELL IN HER BODY?! IS SHE AFTER SOMETHING ELSE?! IS THERE A MESSAGE I’M NOT GETTING?! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SALVAGE THIS?!)
L: Say, Light, is physical touch not one of your love languages?
LIGHT: (DAMN IT, HE’S GOT ME COMPLETELY FIGURED OUT...unless…was that a genuine question? Why would he ask me that unless he was baiting me? What's his ulterior motive? Think, Light, think. What does L want?)
MISA: Well, it's true that we've never held hands...but we do spend a lot of time together! And he buys me things!
LIGHT:That's true, I got her some shoes the other day.
LIGHT: (THAT’S IT! Quality time and gift giving, two perfectly innocuous things! Thank God, Misa finally said something useful! I need to follow this through, so there's no shadow of a doubt that-)
L:Say, Light, we have spent quite a lot of time together, and you got me slippers a week ago. By chance, did you mean something else?
LIGHT: Well, it's because you're barefoot all the time and I figured your feet would get cold. Don't want to be getting sick in the middle of an investigation, after all. We need to dedicate every second to catching Kira.
LIGHT: (DAMN IT, WHAT DO I DO?! I'VE FALLEN RIGHT INTO HIS HANDS!! NOT ONLY HAVE I LET HIM ZERO IN ON MY SUPPOSED LOVE LANGUAGES, BUT NOW I SEEM GAY! IS THIS SOME SORT OF ENEMIES TO LOVERS STORY?! WAIT, WE WERE NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE ENEMIES TO BEGIN WITH! WHAT'S YOUR GAME, L?!)
L: Well, that's quite considerate of you, Light. You're right, I'll make sure to wear them next time.
L: (Well, Light? How do you plan to get out of this one? If Light Yagami, whose love languages are quality time and gift giving, has done the same things with me as he's done with Misa, one can only wonder if you’re as straight as you say. Going back on your word would be very unlike Light, who's always been reliable and a rock for the Japanese Task Force, and very like Kira, who deceives and manipulates others to his bidding. Your move, Light)
LIGHT: Well that's up to you, L. Whatever makes you comfortable. After all, you have your methods, and you've gotten us this far. What's important about gifts is the thought behind them, not necessarily how useful they are to the recipient.
L: No, I insist. I want to show my appreciation for all the work you've done so far. After all, we couldn't have gotten this far without you.
LIGHT: (WHAT THE HELL IS HE SAYING?! L IS LOGICAL TO A FAULT, AND HE’S GOTTEN THE NATIONAL POLICE FORCE TO SPEND MILLIONS JUST TO SERVE THE CONDITIONS THAT FIT HIM BEST. HE WOULDN’T UNDERGO SUCH A TRIVIAL CHANGE TO HIS ROUTINE AS TO START WEARING SOME SLIPPERS THAT I BOUGHT HIM. WHAT THE HELL IS HE IMPLYING?!)
MISA: Aww, you got him slippers, too?! All day, it's L, L, L. What about me? You barely spend any real time with me anymore, you're so caught up with spending all day at the office with L!
LIGHT: Well, it's work, Misa. It can't be helped. The fate of the world is at stake, so I've dedicated my life to catching Kira. There's only so much time I can spare with you. I hope you can understand that.
LIGHT: (WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I KNEW IT, SHE DIDN'T HAVE A BRAIN TO BEGIN WITH, AND NOW SHE'S SABOTAGING ALL I'VE BUILT!! DO THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS?! IS IT EVEN WORTH KEEPING HER AROUND?! SURE, HER EYES ARE INVALUABLE, BUT JUST KEEPING HER AROUND IS A DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN. I think...it's finally time to cut her loose)
MISA: Why, Light, you're so mean! I thought you loved me! It only makes sense to spend time with the person you love after a long day at work, but you barely even do that! You know what, if you don't kiss me right now, I'll leave you forever!!
L: (He's cutting her loose? Really, he's finally going this far? Maybe he didn't have anything to gain from her after all. But then why would he hang onto her for so long? What does he have to gain from letting her go now? Unless-)
LIGHT: (Unless I've taken L's comments earlier to heart, and I want to get alone with him. DAMN IT. NOW I REALLY LOOK GAY!! WHAT IS IT, LIGHT?! KEEP MISA AND WAIT FOR HER TO RUIN EVERYTHING?! OR LET HER GO AND ADMIT THAT I'M GAY?!)
LIGHT: (Wait. If I let her go, then the only natural progression from here would be for my relationship with L to blossom into a slow-burn romance. L couldn't possibly want that, is he ready for the consequences this might bring? Or has he bet it all, willing to risk that I'd never make an admission that I'm gay, thus increasing the chance that I'm Kira? THAT MUST BE IT! I’VE GOT IT! I KNOW YOUR GAME, L, AND YOU’VE DUG YOURSELF IN TOO DEEP THIS TIME. ONCE I’VE CAUGHT YOU WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN, IT’LL BE YOU WHO WENT BACK ON HIS WORD. YOUR CREDIBILITY WILL COLLAPSE, AND NOW THAT YOU’VE BECOME UNSTABLE, THE TASK FORCE WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO LET YOU GO AND RELY ON ME AS ITS NEW LEADER! I'VE DONE IT! I'VE WON! NOW THERE'LL BE NOTHING LEFT IN MY WAY!!)
(Light kisses L right on the lips)
MISA: WHAT THE f*ck?!
L: WHAT THE f*ck?!
LIGHT:WHAT THE f*ck?!
(Misa slaps Light, Light shoves L back, and chaos ensues)
RYUK: Hehehe, what the f*ck is a love language?
